Prohibit unoriginal musical performances.
Outlaw the teaching of unoriginal music in public and private educational institutions.
Ban substandard music and destroy substandard recorded music media.
Burn all existing fake books and sheet music.
Enact stringent laws against tribute bands and celebrity impersonators.
Pass appropriations bill to fund the formation of a music police force to stop the fakes.
Commission a special tribunal to hunt down and punish conservatory teachers for musical crimes against humanity.
Ratify constitutional amendment to mandate creative freedom.